


Love Harder

by MechBull



Category: The Red Line (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 07:51:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19168954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MechBull/pseuds/MechBull
Summary: AU where Daniel doesn't immediately mess things up with Liam. So he messes everything up worse later.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of a high mature, low explicit.

Daniel had actually forgotten how intoxicating the scent of another man could be, especially one who was fully aroused and sweating and clinging to him. It had been months since Harrison died, and in fact, it had been months before that, the last time they really did much more than snuggle in bed after collapsing from sheer exhaustion. He thinks the last real time they were together might have been when Harrison joined him in the shower one morning shortly before Thanksgiving break for a soapy handjob that had barely finished before Jira was shouting that they were going to be late.

There hadn’t been anything wrong. They were just both busy and tired and getting old, and like any long-term relationship, they had downswings. Daniel had many regrets, and not making more time for making love was definitely one of them and yet, at the same time, not. Their marriage was based on more than just sex, after all. Even then, he had a couple decades worth of memories, and they’d had more than enough sex to compensate for the less active times. Especially perhaps the very first few weeks they met – those were pretty much a blur of naked skin and laughing and talking and only getting out of bed to piss and eat. 

But the point was, it’d been a while. He wondered if that explained why it was all so overwhelming and magnificent, although he suspected a big part of it had to do with how damn much he liked Liam too. Daniel wasn’t blind. He knew Liam was hot, and he’d known it for the five years he’d been friends with him. He had even occasionally let himself think about what it would be like to fuck him, not that he’d ever have acted on it. But now he’d given himself permission, or maybe he felt the need to prove something or get revenge. Whatever the reason, he was currently sleeping with someone for the first time in far, far too long. And it was _amazing_.

Liam’s body was different from Harrison’s in so many good and bad ways. Height, muscle tone, hairiness, skin color, age. Daniel classified and categorized it all, almost systematically, with his hands and lips and tongue. He inhaled deeply, taking in the scent again, and circled his tongue around Liam’s belly button, luxuriating in the way Liam groaned and threaded his hand through Daniel’s hair to hold him in place. 

As if he’d try to leave. 

He slinked his way up, kissing across Liam’s torso, pausing to suck on his pit of all places, making Liam laugh almost self-consciously even as he spread his arm out to give Daniel more room to work. Instead, Daniel moved on, kissing and licking and nibbling his shoulder, neck, jaw, chin. Finally, he met Liam in a kiss again, probing with his tongue and swallowing Liam’s moan. They separated and Daniel rested his forehead against Liam’s for a moment. 

“Wow,” Liam breathed out. 

“Your beard is softer than I thought it’d be,” Daniel observed, then immediately cringed. That was quite possibly the dumbest thing he’d ever said. 

Liam burst out laughing, making it both better and worse. “You’ve thought about it?” he wondered, blushing adorably. 

“Once or twice,” Daniel confessed. 

Liam sobered, staring at him with tender eyes. “I’ve wanted this for a while,” he whispered.

“For how long?”

After a pause, he confirmed what Daniel had suspected and never let himself think about too closely. “Longer than I should admit to.”

“You’re not the only one,” Daniel revealed. 

The statement seemed to stun Liam and his gaze dropped from Daniel’s. The moment had become more than a bit scary in its implications, so Daniel covered his nerves by leaning forward to kiss him again. The distraction worked for only a few seconds, before Liam broke away again. He reached out, his back arching in an unfairly sexy way, until he hooked his fingers on the drawer handle. 

“Need a condom.” 

Daniel nodded, his voice failing him for a moment as he was suddenly pushed back in time. It had taken him and Harrison years to be comfortable with not using anything, despite knowing their own statuses, what with losing so many of their friends and the messages they had received over and over through their lives. But the last time they had even bothered was two years ago, when Harrison claimed he’d been accidentally stuck by a needle at work and needed to be cleared. 

And Daniel had believed him, of course. God, he was an idiot. 

He shook his head quickly to clear away the thoughts. “Yeah, yeah,” he agreed, propelling himself up and forward to help Liam get one from the drawer along with a tube of lube. Liam took the package, opening it blindly in favor of staring rather wildly at Daniel.

“How do you want to do this?” he asked breathlessly. “I’m good any – ”

“I want you in me,” Daniel practically demanded. “I want you to take me.” 

I want to be wanted, he thought. 

Liam nodded, seeming unable to speak for a moment. Then, he pushed up, turning them both until he was propped on one elbow above Daniel. He seemed to somehow gain extra hands and fingers as he prepared them both. Daniel gasped for breath as Liam entered him. Embarrassingly, he nearly started crying, and he couldn’t say for sure exactly why. And then they began moving together, again, finding a rhythm that worked magic and had Daniel seeing stars far sooner than he’d wanted to.

**

The press of Liam’s lips and the soft scratch of his beard on his shoulder woke Daniel up. He sighed in pleasure, rolling to his back to grin up at Liam. He wondered if they were going to try to fit another round in, or if he even had time before he really had to leave.

“Time is it?” he wondered, smiling when he saw Liam holding out a cup of coffee. He was pretty sure he could get used to this variation on their long-standing tradition. 

“Four-thirty.”

Daniel sat up more fully, reaching out for the steaming mug. He breathed in the aroma, then took a sip. 

“That’s good,” he said. Liam’s expression was pleased and curious and a little wary. Daniel wasn’t entirely sure how to move forward. He tried for some kind of honesty. “I feel good.”

“You felt good.”

It sounded like a line, and Daniel fought the urge to roll his eyes and downplay the statement. But Liam had been almost painfully sincere all day and actually seemed to mean it. 

“I haven’t been with anyone besides Harrison in such a long time.”

“You took his ring off,” Liam stated carefully. 

Daniel had wondered if he noticed and how he interpreted it. Daniel himself didn’t know what it meant, or if it had been the right thing to do. He thought about explaining why he had thrown the ring across the room, but it didn’t seem like the right time. The day was about trying to ignore all the pain and betrayal and loneliness and anger and grief. It was about enjoying Liam’s company and feeling alive and remembering what it was like to be irresistible to and desired by someone. They could be friends again later and talk it all over then. 

Today, he wanted a lover. 

“I have,” he confirmed. 

They held eye contact for a moment, and Liam seemed to be searching for something in his answer. Daniel didn’t know if he found exactly what he was looking for, but it must have been close enough to what he wanted it to be. Liam reached out again, taking the mug from Daniel, sipping briefly from it and then leaning across him to place it on the bedside table. He then guided Daniel back and down, both of them sliding across the sheets into a very promising position. 

“Again?”

“You have time?”

Not really, but Daniel nodded anyway. He didn’t regret his decision when Liam’s mouth, still warm from his drink, wrapped around him. Daniel’s head fell back, a guttural noise escaping from deep in his throat.

**

The chair was hard, the bright light was aggravating his eyes, the coffee was cold and stale, his shirt had dried in an uncomfortable and scratchy way, and Liam really had to pee. It had been something like nine and a half, ten hours. He knew his rights but he also knew reality. He answered enough questions to seem cooperative and unthreatening, and he stayed quiet enough to avoid charges or provocation. He was debating when exactly to finally ask for a lawyer. His arm hurt from being twisted behind him and his chest hurt where they slammed him against the car. But…Daniel hadn’t been hurt, and all of the kids were safe.

Of course, it would also be much better optics for the news to show a brown man being arrested. Daniel had to remain sympathetic to the people who looked like him. Sad but true. He had broken between Daniel and the other man (he could still hear him saying _terrorist_ ) for more than one reason. 

The door opened, and Liam looked up, ready for another round of interrogation and verbal abuse. 

“OK, Mr. Bhatt, you’re free to go,” the officer said instead. Liam was so surprised he didn’t even bother to care about the _B-hat_ pronunciation. It was still better than the juvenile cop who kept calling him _Butt_ around hour four. 

He stood, grabbing his jacket off the back of the seat and walking towards the door. The officer moved to the side just enough for him to squeeze past. His breath on Liam’s neck felt menacing. 

“Stay out of trouble now.”

Liam didn’t respond. He followed the same halls they led him down so many hours ago until he reached the door. Perhaps the most surprising part of the whole ordeal was when he walked into the lobby and saw Daniel waiting. 

He stared, almost confused, as Daniel stood, walked over and hugged him. He nodded in response to Daniel asking if he were OK, and finally let go of him much earlier than he would have preferred. A public display of affection would probably not go over well. 

“What did they charge you with?”

“Nothing.”

“How can they hold you for 10 hours and not charge you?”

Liam shook his head. After everything, Daniel still had some naïve blind spots. He wondered what it would be like to be able to go through life like that.

“I’m brown. I’m Muslim. I’m gay. And, oh, I was protesting the police.”

Daniel sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“I was there because I wanted to be.”

They stared at each other for a while, so many things unsaid between them. God, Liam hoped Daniel was feeling at least some of the things he was about all this. 

“Can I help you get home?”

He didn’t need help, of course, but he didn’t want to pass up the chance to spend some more time with Daniel. He tilted his head in invitation and began to walk out of the station. He sensed Daniel’s hand hover at the small of his back for a moment, before he seemed to decide against it. The gesture still made Liam smile.

“Jira?” he asked, not entirely sure of his meaning. 

“She’s fine. Staying the night with Tia.”

He glanced at Daniel, and they held eye contact for a moment. They were definitely on the same page about one thing, at least. 

As exhausted as he was, it was nothing compared to how he felt another hour or two later, sprawled out on his bed and feeling well and truly fucked. Daniel curled around him, his head on Liam’s chest and one hand pressing against his lower ribs.

“You have to be more careful,” Daniel murmured, his lips brushing against Liam’s nipple as he spoke. 

Liam opened his eyes and sighed. He ran his fingers through Daniel’s hair. “I can’t live my life in a bubble. I could be the most careful person in the world, and there’d still be someone who – I’d rather fight.”

After a moment of silence, Daniel nodded. “I just – I can’t lose someone else I…care about. Seeing that tape and then seeing you being pushed around like that… I just miss feeling safe.”

He didn’t have a response to that. Well, at least not one that Daniel was ready for. So, he went with the distraction. “I feel safe with you.” 

They had always claimed to be honest with each other, brutally sometimes. But Liam was beginning to realize just how much of his relationship with Daniel was built on lies. _Just friends_ being the biggest one. And now this one. His heart felt anything but safe, but he wanted Daniel so badly, he tried to pretend it was true.

**

Jira wondered if anyone actually truly understood the Dewey decimal system. Whichever student with detention who restocked the school library recently apparently didn’t. She eventually found the book she wanted two rows down from where it should have been. She knelt down to pull it out, and that’s when she overheard two students gossiping on the other side of the shelf. She probably wouldn’t have even listened if it hadn’t been about her dad.

“I just don’t think it’s fair that Mr. Calder and Mr. Bhatt got suspended.”

“Mr. Bhatt was arrested,” another one – who sounded like that bitch Angelica Barrett – pointed out, “and Mr. Calder was…an agitator.”

“Still.” 

“Whatever. They’ll be back in a few days and can go back to flirting with each other all the time then.”

“What?!” the first student asked, laughing.

 _What?!_ Jira thought, suddenly feeling kind of light-headed. 

“Oh, come on. They are clearly screwing, or are about to.”

“Nah, you’re crazy. Besides, Mr. Calder’s husband just – ”

“Like half a year ago. And they’re always going back and forth to each other’s rooms, interrupting classes and whatnot. Mr. Bhatt defended Mr. Calder at that walk-out, you know. That’s why he got arrested.”

“OK, sure. They’re both gay and they’re friends so they must be doing it.”

“I’ll bet you 20,” the other girl said, as they began to disappear down the aisle. “Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were _before_ , too.”

Jira turned around slowly to drop to her butt, not feeling quite able to stand at the moment. She hugged the book to her chest, thinking. It wasn’t true, was it? Not the _before_ part, obviously, but what about the rest? Her dad would have said something if… She knew he tried not to put too much of a burden on her. For a long time, she didn’t even realize exactly how broken he was. Was he…being fixed…by Mr. Bhatt? Surely not. It was so soon. _Too_ soon. It was…

Jira lifted a hand, wiping at the tears that had begun falling. She couldn’t let idle student gossip affect her like this. She had to find out the truth, though. But she couldn’t just _ask_ him. That would be – well, it might actually give him the idea, if it wasn’t true, and that might be her secret biggest fear. Maybe her dad might be ready to move on, but she wasn’t ready to see him do it.

But how to find out otherwise? If it _was_ true, her dad was apparently pretty good at keeping it from her. Or else she was just blind. No longer. 

Jira pushed up off the floor, tossing the book back on top of a shelf. She headed out to find Matthew and Riley so they could start planning.

**

“Hey, dad?” Jira yelled, trying to sound as normal and natural as possible.

“What’s up, honey?” he called back from the kitchen. 

She walked into the room and watched him cooking for a few minutes. “Can I go hang out with Matthew and Riley after dinner? We have a test coming up in Ms. Sheffer’s class.”

Her dad nodded. “I don’t buy that you’re going to study on a Friday night, but don’t stay out too late.”

“I won’t!”

She hurried back out to the living room. Looking around, she wondered what the best location would be. Here or…in the bedroom? No, they wouldn’t, would they? Living room. If it ended up being wrong, well, then she’d just deal with that _after_ she sobbed for a good hour. 

Although she’d really only have herself to blame if she saw or heard something she didn’t want to. She was still not entirely sure this was the right plan, but she, Matthew and Riley had an inappropriate amount of fun pretending to be spies while choosing the best nanny cam at the electronics store after school.

“Dinner’s ready!” her dad shouted.

Jira shook her head, darted forward to place the small camera behind a photo frame on the bookshelf, and turned it on. When she entered the kitchen again, she smiled widely at her dad. Maybe too widely, if his suspicious glance meant anything.

“Something bothering you?” he asked, as he took a sip of his wine. 

“Nope. Mmm, grilled cheese.” Jira took a big bite to stop herself from saying anything else.

“Milk?” 

She nodded, sighing in relief when her dad dropped his interrogation and turned toward the fridge.

**

“I had kind of hoped gay men were much more exciting than my parents,” Riley observed, laying on their back on Matthew’s bed and alternating between watching the computer screen and staring at the ceiling. They ate a piece of popcorn at a time from the bowl resting on their stomach.

Jira snorted. “Maybe some are, but remember my dad is a middle-aged high school teacher. The most exciting thing he does most nights is have a mixed drink rather than wine with his grading.”

“How long are we going to watch this?” Matthew asked. “It’s almost time for you two to head home. I doubt Mr. Bhatt’s going to come over for a quickie at this point.” 

“OK, one – ew. Two, yeah, you’re probably right. This was dumb. Let’s turn it off.”

But Jira had barely reached out for the keyboard before they heard her dad’s phone ring. He leaned forward to look at the screen and then smiled in a way Jira hadn’t seen in a long time. Her heart suddenly hurt. 

_Hey._ Her dad’s voice was soft, almost gravelly. It was definitely flirtatious. _Just thinking about you._

Riley sat up, shooting Jira a concerned glance, even as Matthew put his hand on Jira’s shoulder. She watched as her dad put his work aside and put his feet up on the coffee table. He rested his hand low on his stomach. 

_Mmm, I can’t. Jira should be home soon. Maybe I could come over to you sometime tomorrow, if she goes out?_ He laughed. _I don’t know if I can wait that long either._

Jira darted forward and closed the program. She didn’t want to hear anymore. Staring unseeing at the screen’s cluttered desktop, she wrapped her arms around her stomach. 

“That…could mean anything,” Riley tried, but stopped when Jira scoffed.

“We don’t know it’s Mr. Bhatt,” Matthew suggested, although she wasn’t sure how it being someone else would make it suddenly OK. 

“Who else would it be?” she muttered. It wasn’t like her dad had a very active social life, meeting single men every night. 

After a moment of silence, Jira shook her head. She slammed her book shut and stuffed it into her backpack. “God,” she spat, as she stood and hurried out of the room, ignoring her friends’ calls after her.

**

“Is here OK?” Daniel asked, rather belatedly since he was already leading Liam into the coffee shop.

“Mm-hmm, yes.” 

As far as Daniel was concerned, it had two things going for it – one, it was far enough from his house and the school they wouldn’t risk seeing Jira or any students. Two, it was close enough to Liam’s place they wouldn’t waste too much time traveling back there after they finished their drinks. They’d just gotten out of a book reading that Liam had heard about it. Daniel had bought him a copy and got it signed, just to see Liam’s pleased smile. Walking from the bookstore to the coffee shop, Liam had reached out and held Daniel’s hand, and he could still feel the press of Liam’s fingers. He couldn’t wait to feel those fingers everywhere else. Daniel breathed in and out, shaking his head at himself. He forgot what this was like, when you were first with someone new and couldn’t get enough of them. 

They both ordered and then Liam went to grab one of the few open tables while Daniel waited for the drinks. When he finally walked over with them, he smiled at the sight of Liam already flipping through his new book.

“Any good so far?” 

Liam closed it, looking up with a grin. Before he could answer, however, they were interrupted by a familiar voice that made Daniel’s stomach drop. It wasn’t that he was trying to keep all this a secret, but he had wanted some time to just enjoy it without having to explain it. And now their little bubble had been burst. 

“Danny? Is that you?”

He turned, pasting a grin onto his face, even as he leaned to peck Scoot’s cheek in greeting. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked, switching to hug Miles.

“We’re canvassing for donations.”

“Ah.”

“This isn’t really your usual stomping grounds anymore either,” Miles said pointedly, looking past Daniel to nod at Liam, subtly demanding an introduction. 

“No, um. No, I’m here with – this is Liam Bhatt, my, ah, colleague.”

Liam’s eyebrows went up at that introduction, and Daniel couldn’t help but feel he was in trouble. But he had no idea what else he should have said. They hadn’t really defined their relationship yet, had they? 

“Liam,” he pushed onward, “these are some old friends of mine, Scoot and Miles.”

“Emphasis on the old,” Scoot joked weakly.

There was a forced chuckle, but it didn’t last long. Miles suddenly exclaimed in recognition in a way that made Daniel feel very nervous. 

“You’re the English teacher!”

This time, Liam’s eyebrow raise was more curious than anything, and he leaned forward on his elbow to prop his chin on his fist and smirk at Daniel. 

Daniel finally lowered onto his stool, shaking his head. “I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned you – maybe Jira?”

“No, sorry,” Miles explained, “I heard about you from Harrison a couple times. He did _not_ like you very much.”

Daniel had made the mistake of sipping from his drink just then and nearly coughed it all back up on himself after choking on it. He glanced at Liam, who had gone suddenly sickly. 

“ _What?_ ” Daniel asked, voice still rough. “Why?”

“I think I met him once or twice,” Liam defended himself.

“Yeah, that was enough,” Miles replied. “You were cute, smart, funny, younger, and got to spend more time with Daniel than he did.”

“Umm…” Liam seemed to be at a complete loss, and Daniel wasn’t much better.

“OK,” Scoot chimed in, clearly fighting laughter. “We should get going. You boys have a good afternoon.” 

As they left, Scoot shot Daniel a quick wink. The next time he saw them, after this, he’d definitely have a few questions to answer, but he’d also make sure they paid for making things even more complicated between Liam and him. 

Daniel waited until they were alone again before he focused on Liam. He searched for something to say, and when he couldn’t find anything, Liam looked down. Daniel watched as he traced the rim of his coffee mug with his index finger. 

“That’s – they were just – ”

“Yeah, no,” Liam agreed, waving a hand in dismissal. “Silly, really.”

Daniel nodded, taking a sip of his coffee to hide his awkwardness. If Miles was telling the truth, then Harrison might have been a little more observant than he sometimes gave him credit for, and maybe just a little more honest than Daniel himself had been about some things. He wondered if it was at all reasonable to feel guilty that Harrison had been insecure enough to feel jealous or, worse, had known about Daniel’s occasional lapses in…emotional fidelity. Which, really, just annoyed him, because Harrison had been the one to actually stray, hadn’t he? More than just a bit hypocritical. 

Daniel exhaled sharply. When Liam looked up, making eye contact again, Daniel bit his lip and attempted a smile. They both forced laughs and then seemed to simultaneously agree not to mention the revelations they had just heard. It really would just complicate things unnecessarily. 

And if he held back later that afternoon, unable to escape feeling like he was having an affair, then Liam didn’t call him out on it, just like he chose not to mention the possessive, almost triumphant way Liam claimed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is inspired by my desperate desire after seeing episode 4 (when I realized they were actually going the D/L route and it wasn't just my ship goggles) that they'd sneak around and Jira would find out in the worst possible way. The show went a better route in the end, but a much less melodramatic one. 
> 
> I don't know how nannycams work, OK? Let's assume they work like this, because I'm not going to bother researching that!


	2. Chapter 2

Jira had successfully avoided her dad all weekend – or perhaps he had successfully snuck around. She supposed it depended on your perspective. But she intended to keep that pattern going, at least until she knew what to say, or could say it without breaking down. So, she was on her way to tell him she was going to grab dinner and _actually_ study for Ms. Sheffer’s exam with her friends that evening. It was his prep hour, so he should be in his room alone. 

She was partly right. He was in his room, although it took her a moment to spot him in the corner across from his desk. 

But he was not alone. 

In a way, they were lucky it was her. She was pretty sure they wouldn’t want any other students to walk in on them like this. They weren’t exactly kissing, not yet or not at the moment, but they were standing close, their faces even closer, toying with each other. Her dad rested a hand on the wall next to Mr. Bhatt’s head, while Mr. Bhatt’s hand was lower, his fingers lightly pressing against her dad’s stomach. It almost looked like he was pushing him away, without a lot of sincerity. It would have been hard to explain their behavior away as anything platonic, let alone professional. 

“Dad?” Jira asked, almost involuntarily. She didn’t think she’d ever heard her voice sound like that. 

Both men jumped in surprise, separating from each other guiltily. Her dad paused a moment, looking at the floor and covering his hand with his mouth, before turning to her. 

“Jira, honey, I – ”

She couldn’t look at him, not just then, so she focused on Mr. Bhatt. He had wrapped his arms around his stomach as he pushed back further against the wall, looking for all the world like he wanted to disappear into it. She watched as he glanced towards the other door, seeking an escape route, and then he took a breath. He looked at her, making eye contact. His expression was apologetic, concerned, and incredibly embarrassed. 

Jira looked away and finally focused on her dad. 

“What’s going on?” she asked, forcing a painful sort of cheerfulness into her voice. 

Her dad glanced at Mr. Bhatt for a moment, before looking at her again. “This…isn’t how I wanted you to…” he trailed off, at a loss.

Jira nodded, blinking back tears. The confirmation was definitely worse than the suspicion. “I don’t know what’s worse,” she said, unable to maintain the false positive attitude. “That you didn’t tell me, that you’re doing this at school, or that you couldn’t even wait a year.” 

Her dad closed his eyes, sighing. “Jira – ”

“Dad would have never done something like this.”

His attitude changed abruptly, somewhat scarily. He scoffed, shaking his head. “You always thought of him as a perfect father and that’s how you choose to remember him, and that’s fine. But he wasn’t, and he certainly wasn’t a perfect husband either.”

Jira’s head snapped back in surprise, and her dad seemed equally thrown by his own comments.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked. 

“Nothing,” he said too quickly.

“No,” Jira demanded stubbornly. He couldn’t toss aside her dad’s memory like this, and then refuse to explain. “Tell me.”

“He cheated on me!” her dad nearly shouted. 

It seemed to echo in the silence that followed. Jira shook her head, disbelieving. She glanced at Mr. Bhatt to see if he could somehow make sense of it. He stared at her dad, apparently as confused and surprised as she felt. 

“If he can do that,” her dad said, with a calmer, colder anger, “I think I’m allowed to have someone now, don’t you?”

“I don’t – I don’t believe you.”

He laughed humorlessly, shaking his head and looking away. Jira turned around and left the room, not wanting to face her dad’s heartache or her own, not again.

**

The air in the room felt dense. Liam stared at Daniel’s back, waiting for something, some kind of explanation, some reassurance that all this hadn’t been because of –

“I didn’t want her to find out like that,” Daniel murmured. “I never wanted her to find out.”

“When did you?” Liam asked, surprisingly calm. 

“…Recently.”

Liam nodded, feeling his heart breaking. He glanced at the door again, preparing to finally leave the room. But walking out now felt significant in a way he wasn’t quite ready for yet. He steeled himself, wanting to give Daniel another chance to salvage this. To convince him his suspicions were wrong.

“Why’d you ask me out, Daniel?”

“I don’t know. I feel better when I’m with you.”

“I didn’t make a move for five years,” he pointed out. “Not when Harrison was around, and not since he’s been gone. Walking by you in the hallway and feeling this way, not to mention these last few – it’s been real for me. But that’s not what this is for you.”

“I don’t know what this is. It’s new and it’s – I do know that…”

But he apparently didn’t know how to finish. He didn’t seem to know what the hell was he doing or feeling. The truly frustrating thing was Liam had known all along things weren’t quite right, and he had known better, and he still did it. He really had only himself to blame.

He nodded ruefully, pushed off the wall, and headed toward the door. 

“Where are you going?” 

Liam took some satisfaction from the hint of panic in Daniel’s voice. Sadly, at least part of it was probably because Daniel didn’t want to be alone again, not because of _him_ in particular. 

“I’ve got class,” Liam said, not turning to look at him for fear that he’d lose his conviction, “and I think you have some things to work out. We should – take a step back. I need to take a step back.”

“Liam.”

He didn’t wait to hear what Daniel would say.

**

It had been a hell of a week, and Daniel needed a drink. He broke Jira’s heart and he hurt Liam, maybe even broke his heart too, although Daniel wasn’t ready to think of their feelings for each other as that strong yet, if only out of self-preservation. He had been miserable and brought them both down to his level of pain, making everything even worse.

He really needed a drink.

But that’s not why he went to this bar, this particular bar that he finally got the details of from Scoot. 

It was _him_ behind the bar. Daniel recognized him immediately. The news on the TV above the bar was talking about the grand jury’s decision, because of course it was. He walked closer and sat down. The bartender looked at him, clearly recognizing him but acting like he didn’t. He grabbed the remote and turned off the TV, making some inane comment about it that Daniel ignored. He was tired of pretending. 

“What’s your name?”

After a brief pause, he answered. “Finn.”

“I’m Daniel.”

“I – know who you are.”

**

Somehow, a month passed. It was probably the longest month of Daniel’s working career, at least in the last five years. He hadn’t realized how many minutes in a day were taken up by quick chats and coffee runs and smiles in the hallway. Home wasn’t much better. He and Jira had tried to talk about it a few times, with little progress. All of it was tied up together in an emotional mess that both of them preferred to avoid. So, they mostly just pretended everything was fine. And since there was no relationship with Liam to confuse and upset her anymore, it was rather easy to pretend.

She was spending that evening with Tia and her family, while Daniel suffered through parent-teacher conferences. There was the usual range from helicopter parents to the ones who cared just enough to show up. His own celebrity status, for lack of a better description, made things additionally awkward. Far too many of them felt the need to say something, but at least most had been supportive. 

He wasn’t optimistic that would be the case with Trevor Dunlap’s parents, when his dad came in wearing his uniform. Daniel started in good faith, highlighting their son’s successes and strengths. His mom did most of the talking, while Officer Dunlap, his arms crossed, glowered at Daniel across the desk. Eventually, though, he came to areas for improvement and made his standard recommendations for parental involvement with homework.

“See, I’d like to help out more, Mr. Calder,” Officer Dunlap finally spoke, “but I work long, hard shifts protecting and serving the community.”

There was a tense pause, broken only when Daniel was distracted by something in the hall. He looked up to see Liam, who must have been walking past at just the right time. When they made eye contact, Liam stepped inside the room, leaning against the wall by the door as if to silently witness the next few moments. Officer Dunlap turned and saw him. 

“Oh, here’s the other one.” 

Liam’s eyebrows went up, and Daniel sighed. He looked at Mrs. Dunlap again, who was covering her face with one hand. 

“Perhaps it’s time you went to your next appointment,” Daniel stated as calmly as possible.

They thankfully left with little more disruption, just a few more under-the-breath comments. Daniel rubbed at his mouth. He looked up as Liam walked closer and took the seat Mrs. Dunlap had just vacated.

“Thanks.”

“You were fine,” Liam replied. Daniel realized how much he had missed the sound of his voice. It explained why he sometimes took the long way just so he could walk past Liam’s room and hear him lecture. “I just had your back.”

Daniel didn’t know how to respond. He stared at Liam some more. He picked up his pen and awkwardly rolled it against his desk, just trying to find something to do with his hands. 

“I…didn’t know if I should call after the grand jury,” Liam added.

“I get it.”

Liam nodded, swallowing. He tapped his fingers against his thigh. When he turned to look at the door as if he were planning his exit, Daniel panicked. 

“As long as you’re here,” he blurted, before having to stop to think about how to finish that. “…we should…maybe talk about Jira.”

“What about Jira?” Liam seemed wary, but willing to stay, which was what mattered. 

“Parent-teacher conferences?”

“Oh!” Liam laughed, reaching one hand to rub at his eye. “Right. She’s doing…fine in class. Not her best work lately, but fine. She…doesn’t really talk to me anymore.”

“She doesn’t talk at all?”

“Oh no,” Liam clarified, somewhat sarcastically. “She talks all the time – mostly whispers with her friends in the back while I’m trying to teach.”

“Oh. I can…say something to her.”

Liam shrugged. They were silent then, the awkwardness deepening the longer they tried to not talk about why they weren’t talking anymore. Finally, Daniel just decided to be honest.

“I miss you,” he confessed. 

Liam glanced up, breathing sharply. A small smile appeared almost involuntarily before he quashed it again. “I…miss you too.”

“I – ” Daniel leaned forward across his desk, trying to radiate earnestness. “I don’t know how to fix this.”

Liam shook his head, not making eye contact. “Nothing to fix. It is what it is.”

They were both silent, and Daniel fought for something to say. He didn’t want to leave it like this. He didn’t know what to do. But Liam beat him to it. He focused on Daniel again, giving him a wobbly smile.

“You weren’t ready for more, and I knew it. I just – I wanted you so badly. But I’m not allowed to want anything. It was my fault, really. I spent…I spent _years_ jealous of him, and I thought that maybe if he had found me a threat too, then maybe I hadn’t been imagining things. And if some small part of you had wanted me before – ”

“It wasn’t a small part, God help me,” Daniel muttered, and the confession caused Liam to stumble over his next few words. 

“So…I thought – then maybe whatever was going on between us was real for you too, and not just a way to… Anyway. It wasn’t at all healthy. For you or me. It’s…better that we ended it.”

Daniel sighed. There was truth in his statements, of course, but it was also true that he missed him and wanted him and had felt better with him. But was that reason enough? Was that fair to Liam? He inhaled, attempting to speak. 

“We can be friends again someday, I hope,” Liam cut in firmly, clearly unwilling to let Daniel talk him into anything else, at least at the moment. 

Daniel exhaled sharply, with frustration and more than a little heartbreak. “But nothing more than that?”

Liam breathed in and out slowly, then he shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

**

Jira walked hand in hand with her dad, enjoying the warm spring day. There were only a few more weeks of school before summer break, and she was looking forward to her internship with Tia’s office. She was going to be liaising on a project with Equality Chicago, now that her dad was on the board, and it’d be a perfect way to spend time with both of them, working for change, using that damn money for good. 

She glanced at him. He was still quiet much of the time, and she knew that as much as he liked Tia and her family, he was still lonely. He didn’t get _quite_ the same thing from those new relationships that she did, after all. There were still empty parts of his life that the new family they had been building couldn’t fill. She wondered, sometimes, if he was missing Harrison, though, or if he was missing…someone else. 

Honestly, now, after some of the dust had settled, Jira felt incredibly guilty for how she had handled things. She still wished he had told her about – whatever he had going on with Mr. Bhatt. And she still wished he _hadn’t_ told her about her dad’s affair. But mostly she wished he smiled more. 

“Dad?” she asked softly.

He looked at her, a quick smile appearing on his face but not reaching his eyes. “Yes, honey?”

“Things are…good between us, right?”

“Of course,” he confirmed, lifting their clasped hands to kiss her fingers. 

“And…well, things are good in general. The settlement’s over, Paul Evans quit, and Tia won her election. So many things are, I guess, resolved.”

“Mm-hmm,” he nodded, clearly a bit confused with where she was going with all this. 

“So when are you going to resolve things with Mr. Bhatt?” she asked, rushing through the end. 

He did a double-take and the surprise on his face nearly made her laugh. “Honey,” he evaded, “that’s – don’t worry – ”

“I’m tired of making you feel like you have to be miserable for my sake. I want you to be _happy_. And I even want him to be happy. It’s so hard watching both of you pine.”

He shot her a curious look. “What do you mean?”

“I just…I realized the other day how very much in love with you he is.” Jira smirked, barely holding back her laughter as her dad stumbled. Since he refused to look at her, she was able to observe his blush. “We’re reading _Persuasion_ right now. He went off on a total tangent, talking about how it was the underrated gem of Jane Austen. How everyone wants their own Mr. Darcy, but young antagonistic love succeeding almost by accident and luck really only works for Hollywood rom coms. How a more mature love, finding it again after pain and loss, being brave enough to risk it and strong enough to fight for it, coming into a relationship as equal partners – that’s real. You should have seen his face when he was saying all that. He was _not_ thinking about Captain Wentworth.”

“OK,” her dad said, adorably embarrassed and trying to conceal how hopeful he was. “Enough of that.”

**

Daniel sat in the corner of Scoot and Miles’ living room, nursing his glass of wine and watching as other members of the board departed after the dinner party. Scoot glanced at him from the door, then left Miles alone to play host. He joined Daniel and picked up his own neglected glass.

“How are things?”

“Things are fine,” Daniel replied.

“Just fine?”

Daniel smiled ruefully. “What are you getting at?”

Scoot shrugged. “Just surprised we never heard or saw much of that teacher friend of yours after that one day.”

“Have you been talking to Jira?”

Scoot laughed. “I take it she’s been on your case too. It’s time to get up off the mat, Daniel. You know it.”

Daniel hummed. “Was that a…sports reference? From you?”

“Ha. Ha. We all want you to be happy.”

“I’m…working on it.”

“Good. Because life goes on. I know that better than anyone.”

Daniel smiled, reaching out to cover Scoot’s hand with his own.

**

Liam walked back into his classroom late on Friday after delivering the yearbook to the print shop. It’d been a long day, week, year. He was more than ready to go home. He was so tired, in fact, it took him a moment to spot the envelope on his desk. It hadn’t been there before he ran his errand, and he wondered if one of the students left it on their way out.

But none of them would have ever addressed the envelope with just his first name and he knew that handwriting anyway. Breathing shallowly, he picked it up and slid his finger under the flap, breaking the seal. 

_Dear Liam,_ he read. _You’re not a second choice, or a consolation prize, or a distraction. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes, and I’m willing to stay your friend if that’s what you want. But as much as I value our friendship, it’s not what I want, and it’s time I told you that. I still miss you. I still want to know you better. I still want to be with you. I still want to smile more and I want to make you smile. I still want you. If you still want all that too, then I’m ready when you are._

It wasn’t signed, but he wasn’t an idiot. 

“Jira gave me the idea for a letter.”

Liam jumped, turning toward the door and holding the letter to his heart. He would pretend it was only beating fast because of the surprise, but he knew it was more because of the letter and because of the man now walking closer to him. 

“Guess she paid attention in class after all. It is…a little disturbing, however, how many issues there are with this letter. I do have some notes.”

Daniel shook his head, pushing his tongue against his cheek. He ignored Liam’s critique and instead said, “I meant what I wrote. I’ll wait – I’ll wait.”

Liam looked down. He inhaled deeply. Then he took the risk. “Wait for what? Nothing’s changed for me. Nothing’s going to change.”

Daniel hesitated, looking concerned, and Liam realized he needed to be a little clearer. 

“I mean,” he said, grinning in a way that made Daniel relax and start walking closer again, “I still want all that too.”

Daniel stopped just inches in front of him, nodding. Liam licked his lips and looked at Daniel’s mouth. He breathed out, waiting. 

“Some people want to believe that Jane Austen played for our team.”

Liam grinned, but his amusement didn’t last long. Daniel started advancing on him again, and Liam backed up, leading him until he hit the wall and they ended up in a similar position to how Jira had discovered them so long ago. 

“ _Persuasion_ was published after her death – ”

“You’re such a geek,” Liam whispered. 

“I just know how to turn you on.”

“You really, really do.”

They finally kissed, but Liam broke it off quickly and with a groan of disappointment.

“Not here,” he murmured. “I don’t want to have to stop.”

“OK,” Daniel agreed.

Liam smiled broadly. “Take me home. Take me home and – ”

“Make love to you?”

“I was going to say fuck me all night long, but that works too.”

Daniel laughed, burying his face in Liam’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter brought to you by my undying love for Persuasion.


End file.
